Lessons through Observation: Unlocking the puzzle of communication — Tappers and Listeners
In 1990, a captivating experiment called “Tappers and Listeners” took place as part of Elizabeth Newton’s PhD dissertation at Stanford University. The study involved psychology students who were assigned either the role of “Tapper” or “Listener.” The Tappers were provided with a list of popular tunes like “Happy Birthday to You” and “Jingle Bells,” while the Listeners remained unaware of the specific songs. The Tappers had to tap out the tunes with their fingers on a table, and the Listeners’ task was to guess the song being tapped. Now, I pose a question to all of you: “What do you think is the probability of successfully tapping a song that another person can recognize?” (Expecting more than 25%, of course.)
Out of the 120 times a tune was tapped, the Listeners could correctly identify the song only 3 times, resulting in a success rate of 2.5%. However, the intriguing part is what happened before the tapping began. Elizabeth asked the Tappers to predict the probability of Listeners guessing the song correctly. Surprisingly, the Tappers estimated a 50% chance of success, assuming they would be able to convey the tune accurately at least one out of two times. In reality, Listeners could only guess the tune once in forty attempts. So, what caused this disconnect?
Here’s the underlying dynamic: As a Tapper taps out a tune, they can vividly hear the song playing in their head. Their fingers effortlessly align with the melody they hear internally. When Listeners struggle to identify the tune, Tappers become frustrated, unable to comprehend why such a seemingly simple melody eludes the Listeners’ understanding.
On the other hand, Listeners lack the internal melody playing in their heads, leaving them perplexed by the cryptic Morse code-like tapping they hear. Despite their best efforts, they struggle to make sense of the rhythm, leading to their own frustration.
This phenomenon manifests not only in personal relationships but also in professional settings.
In the workplace, numerous managers worldwide find themselves dissatisfied with their teams’ deliverables. This scenario seems all too common across companies. As leaders, we often fall into the trap of the Tapper. We provide instructions that appear clear in our minds, yet our colleagues may have no idea what we expect of them. Consequently, despite their hard work to accomplish the task, the end result fails to meet the leader’s expectations.
Similarly, in personal life, I recall my wife requesting that I fetch bread from the bakery. More often than not, she would express dissatisfaction with the bread I brought home — either the quality wasn’t up to par, the slices were too large, or I mistakenly purchased wheat or sandwich bread instead of the desired sweet bread. It took me years to realize that she had a specific preference for bread from a particular bakery around the corner — a 1-pound sweet bread exclusively available between 4 PM and 6 PM, which sold out rapidly each day. Any other bread simply did not meet her standards.
The next time a conflict arises, remember that the issue may lie with the Tapper, not necessarily the Listener. The Tapper possesses a clear understanding of their intentions and mistakenly assumes it’s equally apparent to the Listener. However, what may be obvious to the Tapper often eludes the Listener’s perception. Repeatedly tapping harder won’t alleviate the Listener’s struggle.
In summary, effective communication isn’t merely about what is said; it’s about what is truly understood.
